Saturday, August 13, 2005

TSA Proposal to Benefit Congressmen, Ninjas

Airline security has gone from 19 year-olds with m16s to the extensive searching of 5'5" blonds. Even the hit (dud) TV show LAX failed to capture the massive annoyance that is airport security. Sara Goo of the Washington Post has good news about a TSA move that might reduce wait times. Congressmen and ninjas seem to be the ones who gain the most in airport convenience.
Full Story Here


Edmund S. "Kip" Hawley, an assistant secretary of homeland security, directed his staff to propose changes in how the agency screens 2 million passengers a day. The staff's first set of recommendations, detailed in an Aug. 5 document, includes proposals to lift the ban on various carry-on items such as scissors, razor blades and knives less than five inches long. It also proposes that passengers no longer routinely be required to remove their shoes at security checkpoints.

These measure are designed to streamline the airport screening process and to stop searches on groups of people deemed no/lowest security risk. Still unemployed economics majors from the class of 2005 note these changes would use the limited resources in a more efficient manner.

The TSA memo proposes to minimize the number of passengers who must be patted down at checkpoints. It also recommends that certain categories of passengers be exempt from airport security screening, such as members of Congress, airline pilots, Cabinet members, state governors, federal judges, high-ranking military officers and people with top-secret security clearances.

Sociology majors point out that rich whites benefit the most from the relaxed security while the remaining resources would surely be redirected to minorities and the Democratic Party.

The proposal also would give security screeners the discretion to ask certain passengers "presenting reasonably suspicious behavior or threat characteristics" to remove their shoes. The proposal also would give screeners discretion in determining whether to pat down passengers. For example, screeners would not have to pat down "those persons whose outermost garments closely conform to the natural contour of the body."

Ninjas will have an easier time passing through security with the relaxed weapons restriction. It seems the weapons to be allowed were deemed ineffective and highly funny when used to take over aircraft. Chuck Norris will still have to check his hands.

The proposal also would allow ice picks, throwing stars and bows and arrows on flights. Allowing those items was suggested after a risk evaluation was conducted about which items posed the most danger.

No word was given on the number of throwing stars incidents since the increased security. Also, it is not clear if box cutters will be classified as razor blades and/or a knife under five inches. These proposal are yet another indication that America has not found an effective way to deal with enemies willing to trade their own lives to achieve a goal.


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